I am more than a number…

That’s my mantra these days.

“I am more than a number…I am more than a number…I am more than a number…”

I have been working really hard.

(Okay, my exercising is lacking. I could really improve in that area.)

Trying to eat healthy. Replacing bad choices with good ones. Drinking more water. Drinking tea sweetened with stevia instead of other options. Making things fresh from home more often. Replacing starchy foods. Eating more fruits and veggies…but still I am not losing.

I’m far from perfect. And my diet is still far from perfect. I make stupid, irrational decisions because I am STARVING all the time with the amount of milk I am making for little G.

I think the hardest thing I have been sacrificing (second to giving up my beloved Dr. Pepper) has been to cut down on my eating out. Boy do I miss Taco Bell! We have still eaten out a few times as a family but I have been conscientious of making the choice to go home and eat when out and about instead of eating out.

For example, the other day we were at the mall. We were with some friends who were hungry. I got the boys a pizza to share and me a soda (No, I didn’t do well here because I got a Dr. Pepper. And a refill. And it wasn’t even very good. Boo!). But I wasn’t hungry, so I didn’t buy any food. Later, we stopped at the store on the way home and Taco Bell was calling to me. But I reminded myself that I did not need it, and went home to have something healthier.

Now I did have that soda. And I did end up eating out later that night (for a going away party but I tried to make a wise decision there too on what I ate). But I am making progress on switching things up a bit.

I got on the scale the other day and was sad to see that the numbers had gone up, not down.

Nothing makes an emotional eater who is trying to lose weight run to food more quickly than gaining weight!

But I reminded myself (out loud) that I am more than that number on the scale.

And I managed to avoid plunging into the pit of binging that I have been known to go into many times before.

I’ve been reading an excellent book called “Made to Crave.”

The concept is that we are made to crave God. But due to our fallen state we tend to crave other things in our lives. For me, that tends to be food.

I emotionally eat. I use food to fill the gaps that I find lacking.

When I have a tough day, I justify having a drink of my favorite sugary substance (usually Dr. Pepper but I also love Chai with milk). Or eat a big cupcake with lots of icing. Or a package of peanut butter m and m’s. Or ice cream. Or…

When I feel fat, or discouraged by the work that I put in that has no results, I resign myself to sitting on the couch, watching tv, and munching on anything I can find in the house that satisfies my salty tooth.

If there is a celebration, there are deserts. Delicious, gooey, sugary deserts.

Now I am not saying it isn’t okay to have a treat. I truly believe that we should have treats from time to time. My problem is WHY I am having the treats. And ensuring that I am not allowing my emotions to control what is going into my body.

I keep reminding myself of the passage in 1 Corinthians 6:12 where Paul states that “all things are permissible but not all things are beneficial.” The key is not being enslaved by our desires.

Its a battle that my heart is raging. And a struggle that I have with God right now. If you are a prayer, I would love for your prayers. This has been an ongoing struggle in my life that I am eager for God to take control of.

How about you? How’s your weight loss going (if you are trying)? Do you struggle with emotional eating? Or is there something else that fills that gap when you are having an emotional struggle? I’d love to hear about it!


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